if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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