how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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