I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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