omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
