I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
