We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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