Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
