I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize