the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
