Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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