I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Boobs are out for the taking
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
