Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
