I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
