Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
