I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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