I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
