so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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