First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have fence marks all over my body
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
