can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
