he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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