Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
