so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
