she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
