don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
