ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
