too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
