Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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