Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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