if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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