apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
