I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
