so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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