I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I will pee on everything he values.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
