Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have fence marks all over my body
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
