Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
did i walk over a car last night?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
