You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize