Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
