Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
