glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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