'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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