What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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