If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
