Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
