Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
