'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
