We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
