im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
