I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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