she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
