I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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