Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
