What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
