I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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