I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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