dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
