Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
