He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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