Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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