3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize