Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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