Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize