i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
