apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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