i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
