Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
