Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize