I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize