peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just want to make out with him forever
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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