we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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