Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
