she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
