4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
