1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I pour the whiskey from now on
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
last night I used snow as a chaser
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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