So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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