Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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